Rapport Comes Before Influence

It's not just what you say, but the way you say it. You know that. But when you want to say it a different way, what should you change? In the following quote from the book, Persuasion Engineering, the authors give you a very different idea for how to gain rapport with those you're trying to influence:

People understand words at the same rate that they speak them.

Have you ever thought of that? So one of the things you can do when you're in a conversation with someone about Islam is pay attention to the speed at which they talk, and make sure you talk at the same speed. This is their speed, and you will have the greatest chance of reaching them if you speak at their speed.

To go to a little more sophisticated level of gaining rapport, check this out, paraphrased from the same book:

One of the most important "rapport skills" you can learn is to listen to their intonation patterns and listen to the predicates they use. Do they use a lot of picture words or a lot of feeling words or a lot of hearing words? The whole sentence counts.

For example, "Well, it looks like a good opportunity but I feel I'm not ready for it."

This sentence tells you something about the sequence of how information is processed by this person. First they look (visual) and then they check their feelings (kinesthetic). There is no right or wrong in this. There is no good or bad. People process information in many different ways. Listen to the intonation. Listen to the sequence of their predicates. They will indicate how you should talk to them to have the best chance of getting through. Read more about that here.

Sometimes people use nothing but visual words. They'll say "I'm looking for a new stereo. I could see how it would help us have great evenings together." With this kind of person, it almost doesn't matter what the stereo sounds like. If you want to sell him a stereo, you're going to have to show him.

If someone is visually oriented, you will more successfully reach them if you speak in a way that is visually oriented too. Or sound-oriented, or feeling-oriented. Whatever they are.

Speak at the rate they speak. Speak with the same kinds of intonations. And speak to their primary sensory system. Do these things and your ability to get your message to penetrate will greatly improve.

Learn more about speaking to their sensory system.

Citizen Warrior is the author of the book, Getting Through: How to Talk to Non-Muslims About the Disturbing Nature of Islam and also writes for Inquiry Into Islam, History is Fascinating, and Foundation for Coexistence. Subscribe to Citizen Warrior updates here. You can send an email to CW here.

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Meccan Versus Medinan Verses Are Not Really Contradictory

A person named Tallulah left the following comment on the article, A Conversation About Islam:

It *is* helpful to read the Koran in its chronological order, because then you can see what came earlier in Mecca and what came later in Medina.

It's true that the Meccan verses don't advocate violence against the unbelievers and leave vengeance against them up to Allah, unlike in Medina where Mohammad begins the era of jihad. But the Meccan Koran is mostly aimed at how damned people are who don't believe Mohammad's claims and who refuse to follow him. As a reasonable person who has studied logical fallacies, it's so easy to see that the assertions that Mohammad puts forward as "clear proofs" are nothing of the kind. He uses circular reasoning, self referential assertions and threats of punishment in hell as his "clear proofs". But rational thinkers can easily see through these.

Many times while reading the Medina verses my husband and I (who read it together and would stop to discuss it) would laugh or raise an objection, and moments later, Allah would answer the kaffir who had done the same to Mohammad. So the damned of Mohammad's time saw the same flaws and laughed at the same things that we do today.

According to the Koran, Allah does not love the unbeliever. It's not bad people, rights violators, that he's talking about. It doesn't matter if you're a decent sort. What matters is that you don't believe what Mohammad, with all his inadequate "clear proofs" asserts to you, that you don't take him on faith while dropping the common sense you were born with. That's what gets you into hell.

And here's what gets me most about the Meccan verses: Allah says that those who make it to Paradise will be able to look down into hell where the unbelievers are being tortured in horrific ways and mock the poor sods as their skin is peeled off of them over and over and they're forced to drink scalding liquid.

That's entertainment.

I don't think I'd like to be in Paradise with people who would find that to be a desirable pastime. Those are mean-spirited brutes, and so is any god who would hate people and punish people for not being able to buy Mohammad's assertions of prophethood. It's a real stomach-turner for a reasonable and just soul to read that stuff.

You can only call the Meccan Koran "tolerant" in the sense that at that point in the Koran the Muslims are not supposed to punish people for Allah's sake. But it is nevertheless full of condemnation and hatred for those who do not believe Mohammad's claims.

It's easy to see how *that* attitude towards unbelievers could eventually turn into outright violence against those stubborn people who keep making fun of Mohammad's unsubstantiated claims.

As far as abrogation goes, I know of the doctrine but I don't think it's necessary because if you see the verses in the context of the Sira — of Mohammad's life story — it's clear that in Mecca Mohammad didn't have enough followers to enforce his religion by violence. He only had about 150 of them by the time he left there. But in Medina he gained many more followers and became *capable* of using the sword to gain more enforcement power. And that's the lesson there: when force doesn't have a good chance of winning, lie low, play nice, try dawa without physical threats. But when you have the means to succeed at war, you *must* then enforce Allah's laws on whomever you can, bring them under Islam's rule.

It doesn't seem contradictory at all when put into full context. It's only when it's all jumbled up, out of chronological order, and without Mohammad's life story to make sense of it, that it seems contradictory.

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"America is More Islamic Than My Home Country..."

The following was written by Lt Col (ret) Roy White, USAF, Chapter Leader of ACT for America San Antonio.

“America is more Islamic than my home country of Morocco.” My Muslim friend said this with great joy and assurance, while I was trying not to appear stunned. How could someone who grew up in an Islamic country for the first 25 years of his life, move and live in America for the next 25 years, prosper with his business and family, come to the conclusion that America is more Islamic than a Muslim country?

Hayat sat in the shade and described his younger years of being raised in the Islamic culture. Like many Muslim youth, his family attended the local mosque because that was what good Muslims do. However, like many Muslims and many Christians, his faith was only a thin veneer of going through the motions.

As his fellow Muslims were flowing into the nearby mosque, he quietly answered the questions I posed without any sense of contempt toward me and was genuinely interested in trying to correct misperceptions I might have about Islam.

He shared his story of coming to America 25 years earlier, meeting his wife (Muslim) and starting his business that slowly grew into a successful trading business that took him back to his home country on a regular basis. A family man with several children, he talked about his “re-conversion” back to Islam as he prospered economically. In his mind, the only explanation for this was Allah choosing to bless him and therefore as his wealth grew, so did his faith in Islam and Allah.

“When I visit Morocco, all I see is corruption, poverty, violence and suffering among the people…that is not Islam. As we sit here in the shade, we sit in peace, we are comfortable, there is no poverty to speak of and Allah has blessed me with great economic gain…that is how Islam is to be, peaceful, prosperous and enjoyable.” And there you have it…Islam in a nutshell…”submit” and you will prosper.

As I felt my head exploding, I refrained from pointing out to him much of America’s culture would not be allowed in a truly Islamic country, i.e. equal rights for women and LGBT, freedom to choose something other than Allah, freedom to speak, or a thousand other things Sharia forbids. My follow up question brought an even more surprising answer, “So you think in 30-50 years the US will replace democracy with Sharia law?”

He quickly but politely discarded my suggestion with a wave of his hand and said, “no, no, too political” which was quickly followed up with this chilling statement, “…but, in 300 years, yes, Sharia will be law of the land in the US.” He said this with the certainty of someone who knows the sun will rise in the east tomorrow.

This unique glimpse into the mind of an American Muslim revealed two fundamental problems that Americans face when discussing Islam with Muslims and non-Muslims. Americans think in terms of hours, days or months but rarely attempt to imagine our culture or country with the yardstick of a century, much less 300 years. To a Muslim, Islam has been around for 1400 years. A country that has been around for 250 years will be just another country that is absorbed into the Islamic tsunami that began 1400 years ago and continues today. After all, just 100 years after Muhammad’s death, the map of Islamic conquered lands stretched from Afghanistan to Spain.

The second issue is: We assume refugees and/or immigrants from the Middle East living here will find our freedoms and democracy preferable to any other ideology. The fact that 51% of Muslims living in the U.S. responded positively in a recent poll to this statement, “Muslims in America should have the choice of being governed according to Sharia” should dispel the myth that among Muslims a large majority prefer democracy over Sharia law. Add to this a Pew Research poll that showed 60% of Muslim-Americans under 30 are more loyal to Islam than America. Where do the majority of jihadists come from? This very demographic group.

Hayat’s neighbors point to him as the “peaceful Muslim” who is the poster child for “all” Muslims and shuts down any questioning of Islam as a violent ideology by invoking, “but my neighbor Hayat is no terrorist” into the conversation. In reality Hayat is more dangerous than a jihadist suicide bomber. Hayat knows the truth behind Islam and is comfortable with it. His non-Muslim friends are clueless.

There was little doubt in my mind that Hayat would not be strapping a suicide vest on his chest as we departed. As for his children or grandchildren becoming jihadists, I’m not so sure. Hayat and I departed on good terms, he returned to his car, and I assume he drove home and enjoyed an evening with his family telling them about the interesting infidel he met that afternoon.

Hayat sleeps well as a believer in the inevitability of Islam while his non-Muslim neighbors and friends walk around in ignorance and bliss. Time is on Islam’s side and there will be plenty of other jihadists willing to strike terror in the hearts of non-believers and force them into submission. Hayat knows the truth about Islam, but more Americans are learning the truth too. Will they have the courage to share it without fear of being labeled a “hater” or Islamophobic? Our children’s and grandchildren’s future will be determined by our courage to speak the truth about Islam.

Lt Col (ret) Roy White, USAF
Chapter Leader
ACT for America San Antonio

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